Hsi Wu Visits the Land of the Dead
by VampireNaomi
Summary: Yeah, I was bored... Anyway, Hsi Wu kind of dies and stuff happens... Jackie Chan AdventuresxxGrim Fandango.


I don't own Jackie Chan Adventures or Grim Fandango, both are so great that I'll never have as much imagination as the ones who came up with those things. And no money was made with this either, if I was getting paid I would be buying more Vampire Princess Miyu anime at the very moment.

Just some notes before I start this... Right, I was ultra bored and wanted to write something fresh instead of continuing one of my unfinished fics. That's why I wrote this, and this is a single one shot that will never be continued.

So, just try to enjoy this even if you have no idea what Grim Fandango is about. Some stuff will be explained though, but the plot is not spoiled here.

**HSI WU VISITS THE LAND OF THE DEAD**

The orange sky, rocks, rocks, rocks and some more rocks. And oh yes, orange sky. A bit more of the orange sky with hints of red and yellow, and that was almost all that could be seen.

The ugly face of Po Kong.

Hsi Wu sighed. He couldn't really praise the landscape. Especially when he had been staring at it for a few centuries. Well yes, there had been something else too when he had been freed for a while from the void that imprisoned him and his siblings.

The sky demon sat on one of the many harsh rocks of the Netherworld and watched as Dai Gui and Tchang Zu wrestled and tried to decide which was stronger. Xiao Fung sat some distance away cheering for them both.

Hsi Wu had to sigh again.

Boring.

Everything seemed even more boring now that he had been allowed to visit the real world, feel the wind on his face and remember what fresh air smelt like. There was no wind and the air stank horrible in the void.

The sky demon stretched his big, grey wings. He hadn't flown in a while, why bother? It didn't feel the same than when he could roam the blue sky and compete with other flying creatures.

Double boring.

It was onlya few days since the blasted mortals had banished him back there and he was still depressed. Freedom had been so close, he had been allowed to taste its sweet flavour and then it had been taken from his claws again.

Damn.

"Hsi Wu, what are you thinking about?" Po Kong's loud voice asked and reminded the sky demon that he had been having a conversation with his older sister. Somehow he had just forgotten about it and started to dream again. He wasn't even on the mood to listen Po Kong's bickering about what she would do once she was freed again and with the Chans.

"Nothing," he replied rudely. Po Kong frowned.

"What do you mean nothing? You obviously weren't listening to what I was saying!" she accused. Hsi Wu flapped his wings once and leaned his cheek on his clawed paw.

"I couldn't be less interested," he stated. He knew it was dangerous to talk to Po Kong with that tone, but he had never been a coward and he sure didn't give a damn about it now. He just wished the mountain demon would tease someone else for a change.

Po Kong's red eyes flashed.

"What did you say?" she asked with a threatening tone. They were all on a very bad mood, despite his countless promises Shendu hadn't managed to achieve anything and each of the imprisoned demons was about to explode. That was why they were fighting with each other all time -- or actually, those who couldn't hurt each other too seriously were.

Hsi Wu rolled his eyes.

"I am tired and don't want to listen. Explain it again later, all right?" he asked feeling frustrated and stood up. He was truly tired, which was an achievement for a demon who didn't really need that much sleep.

Po Kong was tired and on a bad mood too. Like her siblings, she had short temper and hadn't been able to unleash her rage in a while. None of the other demons wanted to fight with her -- not even Tchang Zu -- so all she could do was to sulk by herself.

"I see. I am older than you and when I have something to say you will listen!" the mountain demon raged and stamped her foot in anger.

She shouldn't have done that.

There was a nasty _spluts_ that caught the attention of all others and made them come over to see what had happened.

Po Kong blinked.

"Oops," she said.

Tso Lan floated to her and told her to lift her other foot. The moon demon thought for a while and then lifted his eyes.

"I think you killed him," he said softly.

* * *

Hsi Wu stood up. What the heck had just happened? He shook his head a bit and stretched his wings. He felt really odd and he didn't like it at all.

He took a quick glance around to see where Po Kong had gone and was really surprised to see his siblings had all gathered together. They seemed to be arguing about something and -- Hsi Wu had to rub his eyes -- Bai Tsa was crying.

Now he was really curious to see what was going on.

He was just about to fly to his siblings when something that he had never thought would happen in the Netherworld, happened.

A black car stopped next to him.

The door of the car was opened and a skeleton dressed in black and holding a scythe stepped out. The skeleton was almost as tall as Hsi Wu and the sky demon had to respect that. If this creature had ever been a living human he must have been tall.

The skeleton stopped to have a look around.

"Land of the Living gets worse every time..." he muttered to himself with a Spanish accent before snorting softly. "I should have known, once I arrive in time the customer is nowhere to be seen."

The skeleton turned to face Hsi Wu. The sky demon had been quiet until now staring at this sight and wondering why none of his siblings had noticed anything. He heard a hysterical "It was your fault!" and knew Bai Tsa had finally lost it.

Then again, he was seeing cars and talking skeletons so his condition wasn't probably any better.

"Hey, you," the skeleton said to him, "Do you happen to know where I could find Hsi Wu?"

Hsi Wu blinked.

"That's me," he said. The skeleton looked at him in surprise and eyed him hard. Then he crossed his arms on his chest and tapped at his scythe.

"You can't be. This is a joke, right? When I came here I just knew this was a prank," he muttered angrily.

Hsi Wu frowned.

"What are you talking about?" he wanted to know. Despite that this all was so weird he was very curious to know what was going on.

The skeleton shrugged.

"I was supposed to fetch some Hsi Wu, but you can't be him. My company takes care of mortals and you are clearly a demon," he said.

"So you can take me out of here?" Hsi Wu asked feeling suddenly excited. Why hadn't he realised it before? With that weird mortal vehicle he could get out of the Netherworld!

"If you were Hsi Wu," the skeleton said.

"But I am," the sky demon assured. The skeleton drew a file from his pocket and gave it a critical look.

"So you admit you slaughtered the whole cult of Fy, took over the Philippines, killed and tortured thousands and committed other horrible crimes during your life?" he asked. Hsi Wu took a proud pose.

"Of course, and I would do that again," he said. The skeleton sighed and took a look at his driver.

"All right, it's not my fault if they make mistakes upstairs. My name is Manny Calavera, your new travel agent," he said introducing himself. Then he gestured Hsi Wu to get in the car, which was pretty difficult because of his wings.

"What about my siblings?" the sky demon asked when the car started. It fascinated him, he had never before been in a car.

"Nah, don't worry about them. If I were you I would be thinking about what to do with my afterlife. Believe me, with your record it's not going to be nice."

Hsi Wu had to blink.

"I'm dead?!" he exclaimed then.

* * *

_Oh boy, to die under the foot of my big sister,_ Hsi Wu thought to himself after a while. The demons were actually immortal, but that didn't really help when someone about the size of a mountain stepped on you. He had suddenly lost all of his optimism and could just think about the fact that he was dead.

Dead. What a nasty word.

"What's going to happen now?" he asked sounding way too careful and scaredin his own ears.

"It depends on what they say at work. You have to understand that you are probably the first demon in the company's history. We are for humans," Manny said. He knew he was in trouble again, but what could he do? He had been given the assignment to fetch someone called Hsi Wu from the Land of the Living and this was the result.

Domino would laugh at him, he was sure of it.

Soon they arrived in the Land of the Dead and Manny and Hsi Wu stepped out of the car. The demon looked around in the gloomy and dark garage that stank of oil and was filled with old black cars, probably from the 50's. He sure didn't like the way the place looked like.

"Come, we have to straighten this mess," Manny said and hurried to an elevator that luckily was more colourful than the garage. Hsi Wu hurried after the skeleton and also had the first elevator ride of his life -- or his afterlife.

"Here is a ... corridor where you can find most of the offices. And this is Eva," Manny introduced while they walked. In the corner was an untidy desk and another skeleton -- probably female because of the name and the red wig -- typing with an old typewriter.

Eva raised her gaze and stared.

"Manny, what is that?" she asked with a sharp voice.

"My new customer," Manny replied. Eva stopped typing.

"You can't have a demon as your customer," she said harshly.

"Why did you ask if you already knew what he is?"

Hsi Wu didn't like that the two were talking like he wasn't present at all. He looked around and tried to imagine what kind of place this Land of the Dead really was. During his short time of freedom he had tried to find out what had happened in the mortal world while they were gone, even though he had known he wouldn't be able to master it all even in years.

In the form of a young boy he had used the library of Jade's school and picked a book that told about the United States in 40's and 50's. He had viewed the pictures, not really bothering to read, and now here in this corridor he felt that it could have been from that book.

So he had arrived in a world that was where dead people went and also about 50 years left behind.

Just his luck.

Hsi Wu didn't feel dead. Quite the opposite, this was all so new and fascinatingthat he felt really alive. Besides, he wasn't a skeleton like Manny and this Eva. He thanked whoever it was up there for that, if he had been a skeleton he wouldn't have been able to fly and that was the worst fate Hsi Wu could imagine.

Eva sighed.

"What is it with you, Manny? You used to be our top salesman, but now you drag in horrible customers. What has got to you?" she asked sounding frustrated and fed up.

Manny could just shrug.

"I'd like to know that too. But this demon is my customer and I am going to take care of his afterlife," he said.

"The boss will soon be back from his trip in downtown. He can straighten this out. Get your demon something to do while you wait," Eva suggested concentrating in typing again. The tapping of her bony fingers created a gloomy atmosphere.

"Come, my office is here," Manny said and started to make his way. They passed a beautiful blue door and continued until the end of the corridor where there was a lonely and depressing grey door. Manny stepped in and Hsi Wu followed closing the door behind him.

"So, let's see what kind of package you can afford," the skeleton said sitting in front of his computer and starting to type. Hsi Wu sat in an arm chair, because of his wings it was the only chair that was suited for him.

"Afford? I have no money," he announced.

"I know, but we are going to see how well you lived your life. The more good deeds you committed the better package towards the eternal rest you get," Manny explained.

"The eternal rest? So this isn't the Land of the Dead?" Hsi Wu asked. Just now he realised he could get information that no one in the Land of the Living knew about and it made him feel very excited. Now if he just could tell all this to Tso Lan...

And then he remembered he was dead and would never be able to tell anyone. It made him feel quite depressed.

"This is, but the real destination of all souls is the Ninth Underworld. How you lived your life determines how you get there. If your life was pretty good you may get your own sports car. The very best souls get a ticket on Number Nine, a luxury train that makes the trip in four minutes instead of four years."

Somehow Hsi Wu felt he wouldn't be getting a ticket. Or a car.

"What about those who lived bad lives?" he asked a bit nervously.

Manny typed something and read the screen.

"It depends. Most of the souls who come here must walk through the Land of the Dead and fight against many demons. It takes four years and is very dangerous. Many just give up and search happiness here or disappear. Some others can be sent in post packages," he explained.

"Four years? Well, I think I can manage," Hsi Wu thought aloud. He was a demon after all, it couldn't be too difficult to fight some others like him. And he could fly through this place and arrive in his destination sooner than anyone guessed.

"I doubt that," Manny said, "Talk about bad clients..."

"What?" Hsi Wu asked.

"I can't believe this, you are the worst customer I've ever had. Even more, you are the worst customer in the history of Department of Death!"

"Does that mean I don't get the walking package?"

"Walking package? With this record I can't even let you go! Did you ever do anything that could be counted as something even fairly good?" Manny asked.

"No... Hey, are trying to be sarcastic with me?"

"Take a guess."

Hsi Wu was silent. Of course he had always known all that he did -- killing, torturing, being extra violent, stealing and even raping -- was wrong, but so what? He was a demon and didn't have to pay for it, right?

Right?

"What do you mean you can't let me go? What will happen to me now?" he asked feeling nervous.

"Well..." Manny said. "There is only one option."

"What?"

Manny turned to see him and smiled at him with his bony face.

"Welcome in the Department of Death!"

Hsi Wu blinked.

"What?" he asked again.

Manny sighed.

"Some souls have lived so bad lives that they can not be allowed to rest until they've paid for it. They have to work here until their depth is paid and then they may go," he said sounding just a bit bitter.

"So you too..." Hsi Wu guessed and Manny nodded.

"Yeah, me too."

Hsi Wu thought about it a while.

"How long do I have to be here until I can go?" he asked hopefully. Manny took a look at the computer screen.

"With good luck it takes at least some good eight hundred years, but if things get nasty you may have to be here a thousand years."

"What?! I can't be here that long!" Hsi Wu objected truly in shock. Manny glared at him.

"Do you think any of us wants to be here? There is no other option, this world is ruled by greater forces than us," he said.

Hsi Wu sighed. If he had still been alive he would have torn apart all mortals that were present, but now when everyone he had seen was a skeleton it didn't feel that fun anymore.

"Do I get a scythe and a black robe too?" he asked. Maybe this could be fun, especially if he could fetch dead souls and break them the news.

Manny shook his head.

"Only humans may work as reapers. But we have a job for a demon in the Department of Office Equipment," he said in thought.

"The Department of Office Equipment?" Hsi Wu repeated feeling suspicious.

"Yes, you can deliver paper clips and pens to all our secretaries. Imagine it, you, paper clips and thousand years. Doesn't that sound fun?"

At that moment Hsi Wu realised he was in Hell.

* * *

Everyone in the D.O.D soon heard that Manuel Calavera, or just Manny, had brought in a demon from the Land of the Living. Because Hsi Wu didn't have an office of his own he had to sit in Manny's and welcome all those curious who wanted to see him.

"I have to admit it Cal, you really don't have the bottom. Who's your next customer? The devil himself?" asked a man who was a tad longer than Manny and much more sturdy. If you could describe a skeleton like that. Hsi Wu had realised that Manny was in truth a very small man who just had to walk on heels on duty to look more intimidating.

He had also learned that this new man was called Domino Hurley, and that the blue door he had seen before led to his office. Domino walked around like he owned the whole place and he seemed to think it was very funny to shoot all kinds of comments at Manny. They always had a hidden insulting message, but they were never that obvious that someone could have blamed him for it.

Hsi Wu thoughtthat Domino could have been a fairly good demon.

Of course Manny always threw Domino's statements back -- with more success in fact -- and the sky demon realised those two had known each other quite a while. They couldn't be called friends, they were more like very serious competitors.

"Nah, I heard he has already got an appointment for you," Manny stated.

"Hahaha! I don't have room in my schedule, I am busy fetching the monks who died when a church burned down and selling them tickets on the Number Nine," Domino replied.

Hsi Wu rolled his eyes. Boring.

Everything was standing still, Manny had told him he would become an office equipment demon -- what a fall from being a sky demon -- but nothing had happened. The skeleton said it was because their boss Don Copal hadn't returned yet. Everything depended on him and he had to decide what to do with the sky demon.

That didn't actually make Hsi Wu feel any better.

He took a glance at Manny and Domino who were still arguing rather playfully and then walked to the window. It was closed, but he opened it easily and peered out.

A huge city opened in front of his eyes and it seemed to spread beyond the horizon. There were basically no colours, the sky was of course blue and white with clouds, though the sun was already setting and painting everything red, but the city itself was very grey. He took a quick glance behind him where the two travel agents still were and climbed on the windowsill.

He could as well get to know this city better... what was it called again? El Marrow? Well, it didn't really even matter.

The sky demon leaped out and spread his huge grey wings to rise higher. The wind carried him and he felt free again. Inside the D.O.D offices he had felt as if he was forever trapped somewhere.

Now when he had got out, couldn't he just fly off and never come back?

The idea was very tempting and Hsi Wu really wondered if it was possible. He didn't know where to fly and on the other hand, if it was possible to escape why hadn't Manny, Domino and others done it long time ago?

Was there something that forced them to stay in the Land of the Dead until their depth was paid?

Hsi Wu didn't like that idea and sat on a roof turning his back on the setting sun. He felt really miserable and lonely.

Here he was in this whole new world that was so strange to him. He was used to people whose flesh he could tear and who bled, these walking skeletons with a Spanish accent felt so weird.

And nothing here reminded him of China, his home. Everything was Mexican, the accent of people, the architecture and music. He had already many times heard the skeletons talking Spanish to each other and of course he didn't understand a word of what they were saying.

He was a stranger in this world, he didn't belong here.

Of course this world had its demons too, but they worked for mortals like slaves claiming that was why they had been created in the first place. Hsi Wu never wanted to say what humans told him to do, no matter how much he would have to pay because of that decision. And the demons who weren't slaves for humans were all really stupid and unintelligent.

And besides, he already missed his siblings.

Never had he thought that moment would come, but it was true. He so wanted at least one of siblings to come and guide him.

Brother Dai Gui's portal was in Spain and Xiao Fung had ruled Mexico in the ancient times. Those two would have settled here much better and been able to help him.

"I am pathetic," he muttered to himself. Damn, he would have preferred returning to the Netherworld, though it was much more boring than this place. He had many times wished he would simply die to get out of there, but now he realised that the Netherworld was much better than this.

He sure didn't want to be an office equipment demon!

Suddenly he realised it was dark and lights were lit around the city. The sky was dark and he could see thousands of stars that shone down at him like asking him to fly up and join them.

Hsi Wu hoped he could have done that. But he knew that if he wanted to straighten this mess he had to return back to Manny to see if his boss was back now. Wherever he had been.

He spread his wings and rose in the air again. Even in the dark he knew his way back to the D.O.D and noticed that no one had closed Manny's window. He climbed back in the office that was now completely dark and walked to the door.

Then he stopped when he heard a new and angry voice.

"... and watch what you've done again Calavera! What kind of idiot fetched **A DEMON** from the Land of the Living? Don't you have any common sense in that thick skull of yours?" someone raged, apparently at Manny.

"But my assignment clearly told me to bring in some Hsi Wu and my driver had been told to drive there. What else could I have done?" Manny's voice asked.

"Think by yourself! Now you've lost that demon and we are all in serious trouble!" the angry voice that probably belonged to Don Copal, said.

"Well done, Cal," Domino stated.

Hsi Wu stepped out of Manny's office.

"Actually I'm here," he said when everyone turned to stare at him.

Don Copal slapped his forehead.

"Thank God! I don't even want to think about what could have happened if that idiot's demon hadn't come back," he said.

"Where were you?" Manny asked sounding pretty relieved too.

"Nowhere," Hsi Wu replied. He was very interested in what was going on now. "So, will I become a demon of the office equipment?" he asked.

"Demon of the office equipment? Did you tell him he will be a demon of the office equipment?" Copal asked Mannyin shock.

"What else could he be?" Manny asked.

Domino started to laugh and Eva's typing stopped for a while, but continued again then.

"Better think about that, honey," she stated.

Copal walked past Manny and stopped in front of Hsi Wu. He was the weirdest skeleton the sky demon had ever seen, probably because brown hair was growing from his forehead and because he somehow managed to look overweight.

"I am terribly sorry because of the mess Calavera has created. This has all been a mistake," he said.

"A mistake?" Hsi Wu repeated in confusion. What was going on?

"It is against the rules to bring demons of the Land of the Living here, Calavera should have known that. We have to take you back where you came from very soon," Copal said.

That was the best news Hsi Wu had heard in a long, long time.

* * *

"This is all your fault!" Bai Tsa screamedin ateary voice and Dai Gui had to hold her to keep her from attacking Po Kong, who was so much bigger and stronger than Bai Tsa.

Po Kong looked a bit guilty.

"But he was so small. I didn't see him," she defended herself.

"Hahaha. Po Kong never sees anything if it's not eatable," Xiao Fung stated at Tchang Zu, who chuckled in amuse.

Tso Lan glared at the both of them.

"Do you think is the time for jokes?" he asked.

Xiao Fung shrugged.

"Our youngest brother just died because his older sister stepped on him. That _is _pretty amusing," he said smirking.

"Do you want to be the second brother of the day who gets killed by his sister?" Bai Tsa asked.

"Hey, I didn't kill him on purpose," Po Kong protested.

"Bah, you killed him for food," Xiao Fung said.

"I'd never eat my own brother!" the mountain demon snapped.

"So that's why you keep licking your foot all the time," Tchang Zu said.

"I do not!"

"Po Kong! You make me sick!" Bai Tsa exclaimed in shock.

Some distance away a black car appeared from nowhere and Hsi Wu climbed out. He took one last glance in where Manny was sitting and waved his clawed paw.

"I don't say this word seriously very often, but thanks for bringing me back," he said. Manny shrugged. He was wearing his black robe again.

"You're welcome. I'm actually relived to get rid of you. Those red eyes make me feel nervous," he said and was about to bang the door shut when Hsi Wu put his leg on the way.

"What now? I am in a hurry to fetch my next customer. His name is Celso Flores, if I remember correctly," Manny said.

"Yes, yes, but promise me one thing. When someone called Jade Chan comes in your world one day, make sure she gets the best package available," Hsi Wu asked.

"I'll see what I can do," Manny assured and shut the door. Hsi Wu watched as the car disappeared and then turned to glance at his siblings who were arguing about whether Po Kong had been about to eat him or not.

"Hi," he said and they all became quiet. Last time he had silenced them all -- even Xiao Fung -- when he had showed them a mirror that showed everything Shendu had done in his private chambers one night.

"Hsi Wu!" Bai Tsa exclaimed and before the sky demon managed to do anything the water demon had charged at him and caught him in an embrace. Then she let go and backed off.

"Didn't you, you know, die?" Tchang Zu asked.

Hsi Wu shook his head.

"Nah, Po Kong stepped on something else. Probably a rock, they can crush under her weight too," he said.

The older demons glanced at each other.

"Okay," Tchang Zu said and it was settled.

After that the life in the Netherworld continued and only the quick freeing and re-banishing of Bai Tsa disturbed it. After that they all started to make plans about what to do with Shendu once they caught him.

Ah, it was so nice when the whole family shared the same past time activity!

**The End**


End file.
